MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
