I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize