I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
