Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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