so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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