that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
