If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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