I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
