Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
