haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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