he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
