i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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