Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
