Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
