White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
