I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
