There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
