it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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