I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
