i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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