I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
