How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
