We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
