"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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