So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
