My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
