is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
