so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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