my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
