do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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