Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
