Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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