We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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