I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
