guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
