I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize