there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
