I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
