Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
