Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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