bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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