Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize