Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
