I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
