I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
