did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
