I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
