I'm gonna have a badass scar
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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