i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is this like a preordered booty call?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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