Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
