First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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