she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
