You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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