Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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