Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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