fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
