I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
