Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize