her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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