MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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