Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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