sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
