I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
